I am so sorry i havent blogged in such a long time but for now on i am only going to blog once a week or so, there just isnt that much of anything new going on at this time and if there is i will definately tell you all. well this week i have mostly just slept and wached many many movies. My ankles and knees are still a bit swollen from extra fluid but they decreasing everyday. i only have to give two shots a week to myself now!! yeah!! and my levels are all looking much stronger and starting to stabilize. my actual kidneys are also somehow miraculously working at a higher percentage. at first they were 3% working and now they are 9% working! we dont really understand what that means at the moment for my future but anything can happen! yesterday my mom and i went to my dads work where he teaches a class. it was good to get out. this whole experience believe it or not has been quite a blessing in my life. it has really changed my perspective on what does and doesnt matter. it has also really shown who i truly am and what my purpose here is. of course i havent figured it all out but this experience has definately made a huge impact on who i am and who im going to be.

Today my mother and i got dressed and went to kaiser for my labs and a checkup with my regular doctor who had initially sent me to childrens hospital for the heart murmer/rub. i had two shots, one in each arm which were just vaccines like the flu shot. then i had my blood drawn for another lab. after that my mom and i went shopping at park meadows and then had lunch together. i am feeling so much better and i believe i would be going back to school already if i didnt have to get caught up with all my classes. once i get that taken care of my life should be back to normal. hopefully after the kidney transplant it should take only a few weeks of recovery for me. however i may stay in the hospital longer depending on different labs and tests and just making sure i am 100%. i should feel completely normal with the new good functioning kidney. my doctors think that i can continue or start any sports or other activities just like anyone else would. we dont know when i will be getting the kidney i have to wait at least 3 months before we even start testing for donors and other things. it can be anywhere from 6 months from now to a year or more.

well, to catch everyone up, each day has really been much of the same. Thursday night was the first night my parents had to hook me up all alone at our house... it was a bit scary! There were a few complications with my blood pressure machine and then the alarm on the dialysis kept going off in the middle of the night because somethings were wrong. i didnt feel my best that night with a cramp on my right side and air trapped in my shoulder. the next day we went to costa vida for mexican food which tasted so good! Then we went to walmart but my ankles and legs got really tight and swollen. more than ever before! that was the first time i had really acted normal walking around and everything. Friday i had many visitors and cookies and other pies and things brought over. Two of my friends actually got to see me give my second shot to myself. They were my moral support... which i needed. i also watched more musicals and movies that night. on saturday i mostly slept so that later that night i would have the energy to play night games. Night games were way fun but i did take it very easy and we mostly just sat anyways for those of you concerned. i am feeling so much better and i will be getting a tutor sometime this week so that i can go back to school and be caught up. Today, sunday, i mostly just slept and ate dinner then slept more. it was good to just realx!

Today again we went to dialysis and the last day of training!! Yeah! however tomorrow we will go for a half day to get things settled. Today for the first time i gave myself a shot in my thigh!! I was so releaved when it was done. it also wasnt as bad as i expected. i was extremely nervous. my social worker karen came and talked to me, so that i could tell her where i was in the emotional side of things. last night i had quite a breakdown realizing that this is real and it is my life and now a part of what makes me, me. it is sometimes just hard never feeling 100%. it is so tiring and it often makes me feel like i want to just give up. i needed to turn to god for more strength- my scriptures and prayers are the only places i find my real strength. i have been cleaning my room and geting it all dust free. therefore i wont be vulnerable to any disease or infection during dialysis hookup. Today i had a lot more energy than i have had in the past. Some days are just simply easier or harder than others. it helps to always keep a smile on my face no matter what.

sorry i missed another day, i guess im getting lazy. haha! well on monday we had trainig again and i was extremely tired and worn out therefore i slept during most all of the training and dialysis. then i had a wonderful dinner from the knights. after that we had continuous visitors like the wynders and then the howells and the mathays. Then i went straight to bed. i woke up this morning with a hge headache and i was nauscious and dizzy. i threw up then took all my medications. i finally was able to go back to bed but then i had to leave for training. after sleeping in the car to the hospital , i woke up feeling much better with the headache gone. right now i am in dialysis just sitting. my parents went out for their lunch break, but i on the otherhand have to stay here, which is kind of boring therefore i am doing this. but it is just fine im okay with it because it is saving my life! thanks again for all the prayers and good thoughts.

Sorry i didnt post anything yesterday, so here is the update. First i picked up my room, then i got dressed in normal clothes and out of my pajamas for once! It felt nice to finally have a taste of normalcy. Then nicolle, my mom, and i went to vogue nails to get freshened up with pedicures and manicures. It felt great! Then we went to golden for an incredible turkey saltfree dinner at my grandparents house. Then i snuggled in their bed after the long day which may not seem like much but for me i get tired extremely fat and easily! Nicolle and i watched a fabulous musical An American in Paris with my favorite Gene Kelly. And ate strawberries also a favorite. And bytheway i can have all sugars just no salt and very limited chocolate. then we went home for a good sleep. Today we went to church but left early because it seemed like a little too much right now. But it was good to just get started with life again. Thanks for everyones encouraging and positive words and comments. Also for all the dinners and cards and just everything everyone around me is doing. It all is very much appreciated!

As i predicted, today was much of the same as yesterday. Starting out with early morning dialysis and trainig at the hospital. Then an incredible dinner at home and watched a movie with the family. I found out that i will be giving myself a shot three times a week! it really makes me appreciate everyone with any disabilities or diseases. Today it really hit me hard, just figuring out everything. I really have been strengthened through Christ and couldnt have done it without all the prayers and support.